Like you, I'm still in a bit of shock that my heart isn't digging my body any longer, but honestly, after the way I treated it for so long...so many races, so many times pushing it to the limit, I wouldn't like me either. But I'm Derek Lindstrom...if anything, I was going to be taken down by cancer, or HIV, or die a fiery death doing something dumb...but my heart? Fuck...
Let's go back to Friday May 4th, my latest appointment with my cardiologist at the Heart Institute...just a quick chat about the findings of the Holter monitor I wore for 48 hours in April...I was sure the results would be cool, after all, it had been 3-4 weeks since I wore the damn thing.
Expecting goods news, but knowing how things have been going, I was ready...but was I really?
Turns out the monitor highlighted that my heart 'paused' 74 times during that 48 hours...some brief, some 3 seconds long, with the longest being 3.6 seconds...?
Have to be honest here, over those 48 hours, I felt great...just an easy at home weekend...no crazy workouts, no drinking, no fights (I know, surprising to me as well...)...sounds like the heart quit on me over and over...bastard.
"What does this mean, doc?" ...turns out she wanted to admit me, NOW, late afternoon on Friday, so they can keep a close eye (...and monitor) on me over the weekend so I can be ready for surgery on Monday where I'll get a Medtronic defibrillator and pacemaker combo-pack...what? But I have plans this weekend? ...um, no you don't.
I debate, saying I'll be fine at home...she has Michaela call me and ask me to please stay. (Michaela, if you don't know, is a dear friend and advocate of mine...helping me with appointments, and helping me realize how dumb it is to go home right now...) ...and Jen, who came with me to this appointment, promised to stay with me over the weekend if I stayed.
So I stay, admitted on Friday. (...but not before Jen broke me out of the joint for a few minutes to grab Panera!)
The weekend is a bit of a blur to me...still not even sure what I'm doing there...I feel fine...well except for the dizziness and crazy resting heart rate...other than that, I'm fine.
Friday night the HR gets down to 31, Saturday night down to 27...what? And in true Derek-form, I wanted to know what the record was...25? I can do that...? Still a joke to me until my eyes are opened on Sunday.
Sunday brought more blood 'donating' (Is there any left?) and an ultrasound/EKG thing...well this should be fun. On my side, jellied-up, the 'test-administrator', though I'm sure he has a title, uses one of those ultrasound 'balls' that they used on Tiffany's belly when she was pregnant with Torun, only this time it's there to show me pictures of my heart...he measured, drew tangents, explained what my heart was/wasn't doing. "See here where the heart looks like it's not doing/pumping anything at all? That's because it's not." Nice, thanks...dick. :)
Later that afternoon I meet with my cardiologist where she said the results show an ejection fraction now at 10-20%, they called it 15...why don't they call it 19, or even 20, I don't know...15 it is...surgery it is.
How am I feeling? Well, Saturday and Sunday both I walked the halls for over 4 hours...30,000+ steps each day...obsessed? ...still feeling good, and if I hadn't seen the pics of heart, I could argue that I'm ready to go home.
Surgery eventually gets moved to first thing Tuesday morning...but I'm ready. Shaved, prepped, IV, no underpants under my gown, I'm ready to rumble...I'm wheeled into surgery, and then...I'm out.
...and honestly, that's all I remember. I wake to a room full of docs and nurses, and a big bandage on the left side of my upper chest. Guess that was it...but man, I could use the pain-killers, like, NOW!
(Such a pansy...) I get through the rest of the day, drowsy, Jen still there, but I feel like I got hit by a truck. Nauseous, dizzy, tired...I guess I'm not walking the halls today :(
The rest of the week went by so quick...I'm released early Wednesday, Uber home and nap like I've never napped before. I'm sore, nauseous and lonely the rest of Wednesday/Thursday, and made the mistake thinking I was ready to drive on Friday. I made it about 5 minutes driving until I had to stop on the side of the road and vomit...guess I wasn't ready.
So it's Sunday night...I had surgery 5 days ago, and honestly, besides the soreness around the site, maybe a light headache, I feel great! They set my pacemaker to never go below 45, and I know it's too early to tell anything, but I seem to be sleeping better, like I have more air...not even sure how to explain it, almost the opposite of being short of breathe? I'll update you soon after I have a better grasp of what/how I'm feeling post surgery, but so far, thumbs up.
Next step? I still have a bumpy road ahead, but for now, I feel safe knowing that 'I am Derek Lindstrom, and I can do anything!'
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