Just a quick update on my appointment yesterday...yep, another day, another appointment.
Like my new selfie? The iPod looking deal is my pacemaker/defibrillator, and if you look close, you can see all the wires heading from the unit to my heart...crazy.
What's even crazier is the size of my heart...the way I understand it, just below the 'unit' is my heart, that big shadow that should be the size of a lime...yea, 'severely dilated' may be an understatement...ugh.
Besides being shocked by looking at the size of my heart, was the conversation the PA had with me about depression and said that Zoloft was at my disposable. Really? Apparently upwards of 40% of patients with heart issues such as mine become depressed...? Funny, I don't feel that...yet. I do get angry from time to time, sad enough where I cry for a bit, maybe ask 'why me' to whoever will listen, but I don't think I'm depressed...but what is depression? Sad sometimes? Angry? Lonely, even when I'm not? ...well then, maybe. But, whatever...remember, I'm Derek Lindstrom!
Another quick note about yesterday...I didn't know if they were going to keep me overnight, so I took an Uber to my appointment. (Michaela was nice enough to meet me for a quick few before my appt...) But when I was done, I needed to walk, so I decided that I would just walk home, 12 miles.
Beautiful day/night for a walk, and I had just been told to NOT run, but I could walk...so walk I did! I ended up walking only about 5+ miles (1:20), as I was getting pooped, and I had a few 'spells' while walking...dizzy/disoriented and weak...like how I feel when I drink too much boxed wine, but scary. WTF? I got to a good stopping point and just took an Uber the rest of the way.
So, NO running, only easy biking...but what's going to happen if WALKING becomes a struggle? 2 words, 'Zo Loft'! Walk link HERE.
...and what can I say about THIS guy.
I met Gabe while coaching at LifeTime/Chanhassen...I think Gabe tries to send credit for his running success MY way, but HE did all the work...and he's gone from running 3:45 at TCM fall of 2016, to running the Boston Marathon last month in 2:56 and change...absolutely amazing...still in awe...and more importantly, Gabe has become an amazing FRIEND!
We share good times, but we also share the tough days. Gabe and his family have been to visit me a couple of times recently when I've been in the hospital, and now, knowing that I was struggling, did THIS for me:
...and posted THIS on Facebook:
In 2016, my life changed drastically. My wife enrolled us in a gym. We changed everything. I lost a lot of physical, emotional and spiritual baggage and I found running.
In the winter of 2017 I met Derek Lindstrom, a running coach at Life Time Run - Chanhassen who agreed to help me try to qualify for the Boston Marathon. He should have laughed at me as my marathon PR was almost 40 minutes too slow, but he didn't. Instead he coached me. I failed to qualify at Grandma'sMarathon - Duluth, Inc. that summer, but I didn't give up and neither did he. He believed in me in a way few have in my life. In September 2017 I DID qualify for Boston at the Marquette Marathon. Sure I ran the race, but Derek got me there!
He has become an amazing friend and now he is the one who needs help. I believe in him and will stick by him as well. Please take a minute to read about his situation and if you can, send a few dollars to get him back on the road to recovery! Love you Coach D!
Dude, you are the coolest!
Gotta tell you, naps are really starting to piss me off...not so much that I need them, but how I feel when I get up. I still get up too quick and get so light-headed that i need to lean against a wall to catch my bearings. I'm sure it's just the medicine, but it's getting old...hopefully I'll get to a point soon where I won't need them.
Crabby tonight? Yep...why did this happen to me? I'm Derek Lindstrom!
I had a long conversation with my sister earlier today, talking about God, or the lack there of. I wouldn't say I'm a non-believer, but I do question. I just don't understand how/why that works...is it more about faith? If I were a believer, would this not have happened, or would I hear that it's part of 'God's plan' for me? It confuses me...maybe this is all a test? Can I come out of this a better man? A better friend...a better father? ...or just part of a journey. When life is done/over, will I be able to look back and say that I made a difference, a REAL difference in the lives of people? Probably not...I think that needs to change!
Maybe I deserve what's happening to me for how I've lived my life...maybe it's just the luck of the draw, either way, it sucks. Looking back, I could have been nicer to people, especially those closest to me.