If anything good will come from this journey I'm on, it's the fact that I'm getting back to the arts...writing more, listening to more music...I even penned my first song the other night...I'll post it soon.
As many of you know, I'm a music junkie, listening to whatever/whenever...live dive bar, or vinyl...I have no preference, but I like what I like. I posted a song on my Facebook page earlier today...a stripped down version of I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles) by Sleeping At Last. Haunting...definitely worth a listen.
So, I had another appointment today. This was supposed to happen NEXT Wednesday, but because of my lack of energy and feeling overly lethargic, they moved me up to today/yesterday...I guess since it's past 12, we'll call it yesterday.
I ended up meeting with a doc from the heart failure/transplant team at the Minneapolis Heart Institute at Abbott Northern Hospital. ...he was pretty clear about things, what HE sees, what the team is thinking, but I was impressed that he knew all about my 'case'.
Much of what he said I don't understand, but what was clear is that they are still not diggin' what is going on, SO, at noon-ish on Thursday I will be heading back in for more fun. This time, (...ready for this?) they will perform a Right Heart Catheterization and I'll get a chance to meet with the transplant and LVAD nurses. Wait, what?
The procedure seems easy enough...after an ultrasound on my heart, they'll put me under, but not all the way under, and from what I gather, they'll run a catheter from the right side of my neck down to my heart and my...I forgot that part.
Stolen from Google: 'In a right-heart cath, your doctor guides a special catheter (a small, hollow tube) called a pulmonary artery (PA) catheter to the right side of your heart. He then passes the tube into your pulmonary artery. This is the main artery that carries blood to your lungs.'
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| Right Heart Catheterization |
Well joy joy, doesn't that sound like a hoot.
Sounds like they're looking for heart function? But it sure looks like another overnight stay...I may as well just move in soon!
Three scenarios:
A - Everything looks good, and maybe I go home soon after, or maybe just a quick 1 night stay.
2 - I'm iffy-iffy, then I'll likely spend a couple days while they tinker with things.
D - I'm screwed, and I end up getting put on a transplant fast-track. Again, what?
Not sure if we're at THAT point yet, but I am already packed as if I'm staying for at least one night, if not a few.
'How are you doing, Derek?' Well, honestly, this sucks ass. I don't think the initial shock from March 3rd has even sunk in, and I'm not sure how I'm supposed to be handling things. I feel like I have a clear head, a warm heart, but I get mad, I get sad, and I find myself crying a lot. If not for the support of friends and family, not sure where I'd be. Tonight has been particularly hard...
Why would this happen to me? I'm still thinking that maybe charts were mixed up at some point and that I have the green light to race...one minute I'm training for Leadman, the next thing I know I'm meeting with transplant nurses...WHY???
Life has been SO hard on me, (...or maybe I've made it hard on myself) ...what happens if I don't get the news I want today or Friday, then what? 'You're strong, Derek...you can do this!'...can I?
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