...still coming down from the high/low/emotionally charged race from this past Sunday, the Silver Rush 50 Mile MTB...a race that really beat me up.
Back up a step...as I get deeper into this #leadman quest, I have found myself becoming more and more emotional, similar to how I felt in the Spring of 2018 when I first found out about my heart failure and the numerous hospital visits/stays over that summer. I found it really easy to blog/write as my emotions were so raw...lately, more than likely because I know what my path/journey has in store for me, I have been less emotional...in general, more at peace with the 'process'.
Well, emotions were out in full-force this past Sunday...
Let's go back to June for a sec...ran the Leadville Trail Marathon on June 15th, race #1 on the Leadman calendar, running the first 11+ with Lisa, then just 'got through' the race, feeling great every step of the way. Tough course, though one of the easier marathons I have run. (Now at 111 marathons...) I ran just a tick over 6 hours, making my time cut-off by over 2 hours, moving me on to race #2, the 50 MTB. ...during the later miles of the marathon I needed to sit at an aid station for a few minutes and regroup, I was becoming very emotional, knowing that this was probably going to be my last marathon, and that was hard. My life has been all about running/riding for so long...the friendships, the relationships I have enjoyed during my 40+ years of competing...this was more than likely it...and I found that hard.
I had a good training cycle for the 3 weeks between the 2 races, mixing in riding/power-walking and 'running'...really thought I was ready, though I have been in this game long enough to know that every race brings upon a new challenge, and the bike certainly did.
Even though I am in heart failure, and I'm doing things that I shouldn't be able to do with an ejection fraction of 17% (heart pumping function), I believe that because I have been so active, SO efficient for so many years, that certain types of activities just don't bother me...like running the five 1 mile repeats at the Big Bay Relay in May, averaging around 6:30 with my heart-rate hovering around 130. I think I am able to do that because my body is 'efficient' working hard like that. Now granted, there was a time when I could average 4:37 for the same race, so we'll keep that in perspective, but still, I believe it's all about the efficiency. I can still get on the MTB for hours, on a paved/gravel trail, and hammer out 18-19 mph with a HR hovering around 120, and I feel great...again, because of years of efficiency. What I AM noticing, however, is that I have limited power for any type of climbing on the bike, or easy running for that matter.
Hear me out for a sec. I can race (mile repeats) at 130 HR...still hard, but efficient. When I go to run 'easy', say 9:30-10:30 pace, the HR jumps to around 160...I believe it jumps because my body is not efficient at that pace...which is gonna suck at the 100 mile run in August. Ugh...
So let's go back to last Sunday, the 50 MTB. I'm ready...bike is fit, and thanks to Cycle For Life out of Leadville, the bike is ready to be ridden hard.
The race starts at the bottom of a ski hill, and for the first 2:30 of the race, you're pushing your bike UP the f'n ski hill...what? 2:30 into the race and I'm ready to die...oh my. The next 10-11 miles of the race are ALL uphill, going from 10,200 elevation to near 12,000 feet, and I'm sucking wind the WHOLE time...but the downhills are coming, right? Well, the downhills were SO rocky, and when I say 'rocky', I'm not talking gravel...rocks! Some of the cats came cruising down at 35-45 mph, I ended up maxing out at 30.9 mph, though most of the time I had a handful of brakes. SO hard on me...physically the course beat the shit out of me, from the first step on. Emotionally it was just as hard...because I'm wired the way I'm wired, I have a hard time doing anything 'easy', so even though I was a couple of hours under the race cut-off, I had to keep pushing, and it took a toll. I was hoping to finish in 6:15, though I'm not sure where I got that time 'goal' from...well, finished in 6:28 and change, but it was a hard 6:28. When I finished, Lisa was there waiting for me, and did I all could do to not break down and cry...hold it together, Derek...you're Derek Lindstrom, and you can do anything!
The race starts at the bottom of a ski hill, and for the first 2:30 of the race, you're pushing your bike UP the f'n ski hill...what? 2:30 into the race and I'm ready to die...oh my. The next 10-11 miles of the race are ALL uphill, going from 10,200 elevation to near 12,000 feet, and I'm sucking wind the WHOLE time...but the downhills are coming, right? Well, the downhills were SO rocky, and when I say 'rocky', I'm not talking gravel...rocks! Some of the cats came cruising down at 35-45 mph, I ended up maxing out at 30.9 mph, though most of the time I had a handful of brakes. SO hard on me...physically the course beat the shit out of me, from the first step on. Emotionally it was just as hard...because I'm wired the way I'm wired, I have a hard time doing anything 'easy', so even though I was a couple of hours under the race cut-off, I had to keep pushing, and it took a toll. I was hoping to finish in 6:15, though I'm not sure where I got that time 'goal' from...well, finished in 6:28 and change, but it was a hard 6:28. When I finished, Lisa was there waiting for me, and did I all could do to not break down and cry...hold it together, Derek...you're Derek Lindstrom, and you can do anything!
Raced on Sunday July 7th and spent the next day driving back to MN...took 2 days off, then it was back to the bike for a 2+ hour urban MTB, but my body was not ready...at about 15 minutes in it was screaming 'I need another few days off'...so what do I do? I spent the next night power-walking with Gabe in the pitch dark for 3 hours/12 miles at Hyland Regional Park...NOW I'm tired, and will take today as an off day. ...just don't know how to manage my days. Am I tired from the race...or do I factor in the heart failure?
I have 4 weeks until the 100 MTB and 5 until the 100 trail run, so I just need the body to hold up for 5 more weeks! ...duct tape and Tylenol til then?
So, it's time to re-group, put on my big-boy pants and toughen up...don't be such a pansy, Derek...it's just running and riding, right? ...Lisa was asked yesterday 'how is he doing that', knowing that I am in heart failure...and honestly, I don't know. Maybe because I'm Derek Lindstrom? Maybe I'm just too stubborn to quit? ...maybe, or probably, I NEED to finish this Leadman series this summer so I can 'retire' on MY terms, not having to quit because someone/doctor has told me that I can't do it any longer. So I'm going to toe the line 3 more times in August, I will race as hard/smart as I can...I will do my best to be on stage Sunday after I finish the 100 mile trail run, along with 35 other Leadman finishers, 35 of the fittest athletes in the world... 'I'm Derek Lindstrom, and I can do anything!'
Stay tuned...
Still one of the fittest athletes in the world! Or at least most stubborn. :) It takes a lot of heart to race without a heart (that's weird, huh?)... You're Derek Lindstrom, but you are NOT alone. You don't bike alone, run alone, or struggle alone. Glad to share the trail with you my friend - both figuratively and literally!
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